Innocence

Today I discovered that Innocence is a very captivating feature in someone.
When I think of little kids so pure and unknowing, smiling all day long, for some reason it makes me smile too. By innocence I don't mean being naive, I just mean that pure quality, it may be different for lots of different people but I think we should all try to embrace or hold on to what little of it we have left as we grow older.

Can innocence be restored?...

I say so.

You just need to find that something or someone who will make you feel like a kid again.

SomeONE to love

Someone to hold my hand while we drive.
Someone to kiss my forehead when we hug.
Someone to giggle with in bed.
Someone to kiss me when I'm sad.
Someone to hold me when I'm cold.
Someone to surprise me left and right.
Someone to keep me wanting more.
Someone to sleep with at night.
Someone to smile and I melt.
Some ONE. I just want ONE. So why are you so hard to find?

?<3?<3?

Who would have guessed???

Who would have guessed?

The only cure to my bad day blues was Theatre. Simply reading a couple scripts, and then going to my play committee meeting with 5 adults who are passionate about theatre in 5 different ways, and a friend who has only just discovered the ignition of the theatre flame in his body. I walk away feeling lifted...works every time. :)

I don't know if I ever find that perfect someone, who makes life complete, or makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds. All I know is that I am 20 years old, and I have a lot more life ahead of me than in my past, I have found something that makes any bad day disperse, it stimulates my mind, body, and heart, it makes me think and feel in ways that I don't even know are possible until the moment I am thinking or feeling them. I forget about the world, I forget about all the insignificant 20 something, college girl problems, and start to focus on changing the world, changing me, living a life that makes me feel like I know what life is supposed to be about. I don't know what my future holds, but I want to hold onto this find, this feeling, this gift that someone opened my eyes too.

Just like any love out there, you can't go searching for it, it will find it's way to you and you won't be able to help but love it.

I'm Addicted

I'm addicted to the feeling of being EMOTIONALLY POTENT. Finding people who will bring that out in me, having sense memory of a moment and sensations I have had. Discussing how we feel during these moments. Acknowledging moments like catching someone's eye on you and then looking away, but not knowing why you looked away...Wanting to KNOW but NOT wanting to know. Wanting the mystery and chase because it makes us feel so many different things we don't understand, rather than having it all figured out. Theatre is about conflict, LIFE is about CONFLICT, obstacles, problems, bumps in the road, NOT KNOWING, it gives us something to strive towards, something to fight for, to discover about ourselves as a result...

"Life beats down and crushes our souls and theatre reminds us that we have one. At least the type of theatre that I'm interested in; that is, theatre that moves an audience. You have the opportunity to literally impact the lives of people if they work on material that has integrity. But today, most actors simply want to be famous. Well, being an actor was never supposed to be about fame and money. Being an actor is a religious calling because you've been given the ability, the gift to inspire humanity. Think about that on the way to your soap opera audition."

Sanford Meisner

A Beautiful Life

Why Life is Beautiful right now...

I had a Good day today :). My Parents are in SoCal to visit me for my 20th birthday and today we went to Brent's Deli ( our FAVORITE place to eat in Northridge! Jewish Deli's are literally the most delicious places), then we went to Santa Monica to 3rd Street Promenade, and although it was the busiest place ever...everyone in Los Angeles must have woken up and said "Today would be a GREAT day to go to the promenade!," it was beautiful as always, with the lit up trees, good music everywhere, and lots of end of summer sales! I bought 3 things at Urban outfitters, including awesome sandals for $10 that the lady forgot to take the stupid plastic censor thing off of, which I DIDN'T REALIZE until I was home...argh...I'll have to deal with that later...

BUT that being insignificant...it was a good day...and Life is beautiful. And when life is beautiful I think of all the beautiful things in my life and how thankful I am for them...so I thought I'd make a list of what makes me happy in my life right now...*ahem*...

1. Sun flowers fake or real, no matter what they are bright and beautiful

2. Eating Ice, I do this a lot haha...I'm glad something so free is so delicious to me

3. Theatre...nothing has taught me more about myself, life, or this world...

4. My Roommate Olivia Patrick....there is no one like her, and even when she is being drunk and handsey...I could spend every minute of the day with her :^P

5. Hand written notes or cards from people, I read them over and over and keep them in my room where I can see them all the time

6. Burberry Brit perfume, the one expensive girly thing I've ever bought, it makes me feel so ladylike and the scent never gets old

7. Margaret Whiting's voice (This was a discovery I made 3 mins ago. Note to self listen to "Baby it's cold outside" and "Time after Time" if you read this and don't remember who she is)

8. Fate of a Cockroach, I am so lucky to work with such an amazing Director ( Ken Sawyer) he is so interesting, kind, funny, interesting, an AMAZING cast full of some of the most amazing people I've met in my life, and a hilarious show, with the coolest costume I've ever worn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGLYPJBbIms

9. My Family, they are so supportive and loving, my fortune cookie at dinner tonight said it best "You cherish a good home and always put your family first"

10. Siera Casey, you are such a beautiful soul, you are one of the best friends I'll ever have, one of the best people I'll ever meet.

11. Love songs...the really romantic kind...usually the ones from the 1950's...I'm a sucker <3

12. Movie's that inspire me, "Julie and Julia" "Into the Wild" "Away we go"...3 different inspirations but none the less motivating me to live life

The beautiful thing is there are so many more and yet I'm stopping here...

Smile everyday people, it makes the world a better place :)

Did I do that?

So... 8am on this lovely Wednesday Summer morning (by the way I'm a total morning person, I don't know when this started but now I can't stop it! The coffee and bad TV have become addicting). I just went back and read over my past blogs and it was really strange because they didn't sound like ME talking! Haha I guess I usually blog when I am in one of my moods, so it's different than my usual talk but...weird...it's always interesting to look back at your own work, because you have such a different perspective as an outsider looking back than the one inside it all, creating.

P.S.

Kathryn and I have the BEST LUCK when it comes to sold out concerts.

TWO summers in a row now we have found an awesome concert at the last minute that is sold out, told ourselves that won't stop us, gone to the concert, made "We need 2 tickets!!" signs, and each time been reminded of the beautiful amazing people in this world who will make two young girls night and sell them cheap tickets!

SUMMER 2008: The Fratellis
SUMMER 2009: The Flight of the Conchords
SUMMER 2010: ?????????????

WOOOOOO!!!! :^D

MY FUTURE

I think I am getting closer and closer to what I want to do with my life, and take on as a profession. For a while I have known that I take a great interest and passion in Theatre arts and Psychology. Seeing the close relation between the two I saw how one would help with the other. I thought about perhaps acting for a while, and later in life working with therapy BUT I think I have discovered what I would really love to do. My mom found a variety of different books for me the other day at a book sale and one was titled, "A Dance with a Dark Angel" Shadow Play Drama Therapy & creative Arts Techniques by Elizabeth Henderson Eisenman. Her father was a Jungian analyst and growing up as a child with a troubled sense of direction ( in her case dyslexia) and discovering she loved acting, but continually hiding this "shadow" of anger and self criticism she found it was only hurting her to do so and it was self-destructive to put a "mask of happiness" on.

Everything that I have learned and discovered through my years of theatre so far, and learning more about psychology is being presented in this book. There is a misconception that the shadow is all bad, evil, and all black. Yet Jung points out that much of what is contained in the shadow is in the essence "80% pure gold." This is saying use your anger, fears, anxiety, whatever it may be through creative outlets, such as drawing, dancing, writing, acting. One has to experience their shadow on a deep level, kinesthetically. "Dialoguing with the shadow by drawing, moving, writing and dancing, she first recognized it for what it actually was, a Dark Angel filled with power, creativity, and insight."

The emergence of your imagination was a revelation, powerful, rewarding and celebratory by nature. You will feel in someway remarkable witnessing and experiencing the birth of your own creativity.

I have decided that I would LOVE to open my own Drama Therapy Studio creating an appropriate atmosphere, stimuli, and materials, images that can "emerge directly from this vast reservoir into the light of day." Through the process of artistic and creative integration we can experience the true nature and value of our personal unconscious.

I could perhaps, come back to San Francisco, open my studio, work in the studio as my day time job, with rehearsals and shows at night.I would be helping others and experience a very thorough personalization warm up everyday.

If I got to do something like this for the rest of my life I would never have to "work" another day in my life, because I would love what I was doing.