All I know

"Oh, it's taken so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready..."

All I know is
1. I'm happy
2. I never stop smiling when I'm with you
3. After more than 5 years of knowing you, you still make my heart race
4. I'm absolutely crazy about you
5. I don't know all the answers but I know how I feel and my feelings for you shine through my every smile lately.

So amongst everything in life that we don't have figured out, everything we wish we had, and everything we wish could somehow be different.

I just want to say Thank You for coming back into my life.

Low down on the Home town

Alright it's been 3 days and I'm startin that Winter Break To Do List :) I saw "The Fantastic Mr.Fox" which was fantastically fun to watch. I love Wes Anderson films, he's like Time Burton in the way that you instantly know it's HIS work when you're watching it. His cinematography, dialogue, music, and characters are all so quirky and wonderful. I saw an older movie that I hadn't seen before last night, "Six degrees of Separation" which was incredibly interesting. One of the first things I said when I started watching it was that it must have originally been a theatre piece because it walks and talks like a play but translates through the camera surprisingly well. It's definitely a film that I think people will really like or think is really strange depending on preference, and it takes an initial getting used to but once you allow the theatrical aspects to flow it's incredibly intriguing.

Movies aside! I could sit on my couch and watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and How I met your Mother all day long :^P

P.s. These people make me Smile



AND



AND

Fifth Semester DONE.

Now that I am done with Finals and another Semester of college! I can take a break from those daily homework and errand To Do Lists I would tape to my desk and stare at all day long.

This does not mean I am going to stop making To Do Lists ;)

As the true LIST LOVER I am, I thought I would make a To do List for my Winter Break.

1. Learn how to properly blog; I was bouncing from blog to blog this morning and it's actually really interesting when everything's organized (DUH!) and I would love to share more of my interests and thoughts and pictures with everyone.

2. Make a minimum of 2 videos with my Dad and Friends; my Dad's new favorite hobby is to film and edit videos, whether it's a music video or a short film, and being together with friends again I think we could put together a few things for s and g's (yep I meant...shits and giggles).

3. See atleast 3 new films and 5 old ones I've never seen; When I'm in LA I rarely ever see new movies because I'm a busy bee and it's expensive, SO when I'm home I have to catch up on all the ones I want to see like ...








4. Go on Morning and Night walks; both of these times are so peaceful outside and when I'm in Northridge it's not safe to do this haha so I would love to start my days with fresh air and end them with looking at all the stars I can't see shining as bright in LA

5. Read The Waiting Room again and prepare for my audition when I am back at school; it is a very shocking and bold piece, I am a fan of dark comedy, and the rold of Victoria Smoot is a role I will have to work for if I want. I am crossing my fingers so tight that BWV will unite! ;)

6. Keep my artistic side flowing and growing; I want to sketch, paint, sing, and write more...with free time on my hands I better take advantage of finally being able to do more of what I love.

7. To visit and capture my Siera girl and bring her to San Fran with me, it's going to be really hard not seeing her now that we are closer than ever. She is my other half and I am so thankful to have a her in my life. I don't know how I got that lucky.

8. Get my hair done, I need a change, doesn't have to be a huge one, but something to refresh myself!

9. Get the crew back together and go on adventures, have movie nights, and take TOO MANY pictures.

10. To relax, love, laugh a lot, be with my family and friends, never take boredom as an answer, and enjoy my winter break!

"These are a few of my favorite things..."

Inspired by my girl Siera and Marry Poppins I think listing the things that make me happy every now and again is a really good thing to do :)

1. Successful studying for a test where I'm actually excited to go take the test to see how much I know. ( I NEVER in a million years thought I'd write something as nerdy as that ;^P)

2. Hanukkah Cards...there aren't many of them out there and the ones I've received are better than all the Christmas ones I've seen

3. Picture texts!...I missed being able to do this, and I just updated my phone so I can do so now...random picture messages from and to people are always the recipe for a fun surprise

4. TV shows that I become more witty after watching...thank you Gilmore Girls ;)

5. Buying random combinations of items at grocery stores...Mac and cheese with chapstick, Loaf of bread and gum...whatever ... ;)

6. Making videos on Siera's mac :)

7. Bookstores and coffee shops...these things put together in one is when I'm REAL happy.

8. Writing personal notes and thoughts in books and scripts.

9. Talking to the quiet people at parties, sometimes they're more interesting than the loud ones

10. Journals and sketchbooks....my own and others.

Ten is good for now, time for me to get dressed and sing to 50's music in the mirror

MORNING STARSHINE THE EARTH SAYS HELLO

I have to study said the studious student

This is my little cave that I have been spending all my time in studying for finals! It's a stressful and frustrating time, but I love being in school and having classes to study for. There's something about drowning in piles of note cards, pages of notes, and books, while drinking my coffee that I secretly enjoy because I know by the end I'm going to feel accomplished. Every time I make it through another class and another semester I'm proving to myself what I'm capable of. That I can do all of this :)

With the help of some WONDERFUL FANTASTIC PEOPLE of course.


I'm thankful for everything in my life right now, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything else.

"Love is the flower you've got to let grow"- John Lennon

The beauty in youth fades like a wilted flower, but true beauty is in being authentic, your true self. A person is truly beautiful when they are physically tired and stripped of any mask they usually wear with an energy that covers their core, authentic self. They are revealed and just "being present." Just like how a swimmer is most beautiful when in the water swimming, then awkward when standing outside the water, a skier skiing down a hill is beautiful, but ordinary when just standing. When someones is truly dedicated, passionate, and has practiced and polished something they love, that requires using their true selves, nothing about it is fake or pretend because that will only take you so far. You won't shine or inspire the way authentic beauty in WHO YOU ARE and DOING SOMETHING YOU LOVE will.

The Battle We're In

"How come the only way to know how high you get me
Is to see how far I fall?" -John Mayer

Many of the thoughts and actions we encounter in life come from 1 of 4 places

Heavens- Morality, Fate, Fortune

Head- Logic, Sense, Calculations

Heart-
(we spend our whole lives trying to figure these last two out)
Groin-

Sometimes what are heart wants, our head doesn't agree with, but who's to say what is right or wrong. In life we never know, its about taking risks, or doing what makes us feel good, not only in the moment but before, during, and after. Asking ourselves what makes us happiest. I've been in a battle of these 4 places for years, and I don't think it's a battle I'll ever win or lose, or perhaps I should look at it as many smaller battles where I never lose, but just continue until I have won. Happiness is the trophy I aim to have on my shelf, so if doing something, or having someone in my life makes me happy, then I have won.

"If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal."
John Lennon

"Have we met?" Short scene by Dana

Dialogue that ran through my head when driving home tonight generated out of real interactions and conversations I had this weekend ...

( Setting: Small college party in an apartment, about ten people present, girl sitting on balcony outside alone. Guy walks in front door shaking other guy's hands but keeps looking over at the girl outside. He decides to go over to her.)


Guy: Have we met before?

Girl: No, I don't think so.

Guy: You look really familiar.

Girl: Maybe I just have one of those faces.

Guy: No. No, I've never seen a face like yours. Where are you from?

Girl: I'm not from around here, I just moved to LA.

Guy: Yeah? How you likin' it?

Girl: ...I don't think LA is for me.

Guy: Why's that?

Girl: ( looks up at the night sky)You can't see the stars shining here.

Guy: ( keeps his eyes on her)I see something shining in front of me.

Guy and Girl share a shy smile.

Scene from my life #1, more to come.

If the butterfly doesn't land we don't see it's colors

In my acting class today we were doing an exercise where everyone had to run and jump over a bench, land with stillness, without adjusting, and strike a pose. The trick was to be light on your feet and land like a Cat not an elephant, be grounded take a stand. To stop judging yourself, stop thinking, be okay with where you land, where you are...like in improv when you say "yes but" you are accepting what has happened or what has been given to you and you work with it and MAKE it work. We have also been discussing archetypes, and how it will be helpful to discover what kind of archetype YOU are. Well, it was my turn to run and jump and my first attempt my professor just laughed at my landing as I curved around and ran back to the start knowing I needed to do it again. She yelled "You need to ground your feet into the floor! You're Spineless! This exercise determines your archetype."

"Shit."- Me

"...Dana for example, watching how she floats around the hallways of this building like a butterfly, her archetype is a Lover, moving from one place to the next, but if the butterfly doesn't land we don't see it's colors!"-Christine

"Did you hear that you're a butterfly, you're always floating around haha."- Alfredo

"...I've gotten that a lot before. That I need to more planted and sure of my self. More grounded...it isn't good."- Me

"Even butterflies stop and land on a flower every once in a while."-Alfredo

INTO THE WILD

Just a few things said in the film that I really like...

"Rather than love and money and faith and fame and fairness...Give me truth"- Thoreau

Some people feel like they don't deserve love, they walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

The seas only gifts are harsh blows and the occasional gift to feel strong, now I don't know much about the sea but I do know that's how it is here and I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong,to measure yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions facing the blind deaf stone alone with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head.

Innocence

Today I discovered that Innocence is a very captivating feature in someone.
When I think of little kids so pure and unknowing, smiling all day long, for some reason it makes me smile too. By innocence I don't mean being naive, I just mean that pure quality, it may be different for lots of different people but I think we should all try to embrace or hold on to what little of it we have left as we grow older.

Can innocence be restored?...

I say so.

You just need to find that something or someone who will make you feel like a kid again.

SomeONE to love

Someone to hold my hand while we drive.
Someone to kiss my forehead when we hug.
Someone to giggle with in bed.
Someone to kiss me when I'm sad.
Someone to hold me when I'm cold.
Someone to surprise me left and right.
Someone to keep me wanting more.
Someone to sleep with at night.
Someone to smile and I melt.
Some ONE. I just want ONE. So why are you so hard to find?

?<3?<3?

Who would have guessed???

Who would have guessed?

The only cure to my bad day blues was Theatre. Simply reading a couple scripts, and then going to my play committee meeting with 5 adults who are passionate about theatre in 5 different ways, and a friend who has only just discovered the ignition of the theatre flame in his body. I walk away feeling lifted...works every time. :)

I don't know if I ever find that perfect someone, who makes life complete, or makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds. All I know is that I am 20 years old, and I have a lot more life ahead of me than in my past, I have found something that makes any bad day disperse, it stimulates my mind, body, and heart, it makes me think and feel in ways that I don't even know are possible until the moment I am thinking or feeling them. I forget about the world, I forget about all the insignificant 20 something, college girl problems, and start to focus on changing the world, changing me, living a life that makes me feel like I know what life is supposed to be about. I don't know what my future holds, but I want to hold onto this find, this feeling, this gift that someone opened my eyes too.

Just like any love out there, you can't go searching for it, it will find it's way to you and you won't be able to help but love it.

I'm Addicted

I'm addicted to the feeling of being EMOTIONALLY POTENT. Finding people who will bring that out in me, having sense memory of a moment and sensations I have had. Discussing how we feel during these moments. Acknowledging moments like catching someone's eye on you and then looking away, but not knowing why you looked away...Wanting to KNOW but NOT wanting to know. Wanting the mystery and chase because it makes us feel so many different things we don't understand, rather than having it all figured out. Theatre is about conflict, LIFE is about CONFLICT, obstacles, problems, bumps in the road, NOT KNOWING, it gives us something to strive towards, something to fight for, to discover about ourselves as a result...

"Life beats down and crushes our souls and theatre reminds us that we have one. At least the type of theatre that I'm interested in; that is, theatre that moves an audience. You have the opportunity to literally impact the lives of people if they work on material that has integrity. But today, most actors simply want to be famous. Well, being an actor was never supposed to be about fame and money. Being an actor is a religious calling because you've been given the ability, the gift to inspire humanity. Think about that on the way to your soap opera audition."

Sanford Meisner

A Beautiful Life

Why Life is Beautiful right now...

I had a Good day today :). My Parents are in SoCal to visit me for my 20th birthday and today we went to Brent's Deli ( our FAVORITE place to eat in Northridge! Jewish Deli's are literally the most delicious places), then we went to Santa Monica to 3rd Street Promenade, and although it was the busiest place ever...everyone in Los Angeles must have woken up and said "Today would be a GREAT day to go to the promenade!," it was beautiful as always, with the lit up trees, good music everywhere, and lots of end of summer sales! I bought 3 things at Urban outfitters, including awesome sandals for $10 that the lady forgot to take the stupid plastic censor thing off of, which I DIDN'T REALIZE until I was home...argh...I'll have to deal with that later...

BUT that being insignificant...it was a good day...and Life is beautiful. And when life is beautiful I think of all the beautiful things in my life and how thankful I am for them...so I thought I'd make a list of what makes me happy in my life right now...*ahem*...

1. Sun flowers fake or real, no matter what they are bright and beautiful

2. Eating Ice, I do this a lot haha...I'm glad something so free is so delicious to me

3. Theatre...nothing has taught me more about myself, life, or this world...

4. My Roommate Olivia Patrick....there is no one like her, and even when she is being drunk and handsey...I could spend every minute of the day with her :^P

5. Hand written notes or cards from people, I read them over and over and keep them in my room where I can see them all the time

6. Burberry Brit perfume, the one expensive girly thing I've ever bought, it makes me feel so ladylike and the scent never gets old

7. Margaret Whiting's voice (This was a discovery I made 3 mins ago. Note to self listen to "Baby it's cold outside" and "Time after Time" if you read this and don't remember who she is)

8. Fate of a Cockroach, I am so lucky to work with such an amazing Director ( Ken Sawyer) he is so interesting, kind, funny, interesting, an AMAZING cast full of some of the most amazing people I've met in my life, and a hilarious show, with the coolest costume I've ever worn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGLYPJBbIms

9. My Family, they are so supportive and loving, my fortune cookie at dinner tonight said it best "You cherish a good home and always put your family first"

10. Siera Casey, you are such a beautiful soul, you are one of the best friends I'll ever have, one of the best people I'll ever meet.

11. Love songs...the really romantic kind...usually the ones from the 1950's...I'm a sucker <3

12. Movie's that inspire me, "Julie and Julia" "Into the Wild" "Away we go"...3 different inspirations but none the less motivating me to live life

The beautiful thing is there are so many more and yet I'm stopping here...

Smile everyday people, it makes the world a better place :)

Did I do that?

So... 8am on this lovely Wednesday Summer morning (by the way I'm a total morning person, I don't know when this started but now I can't stop it! The coffee and bad TV have become addicting). I just went back and read over my past blogs and it was really strange because they didn't sound like ME talking! Haha I guess I usually blog when I am in one of my moods, so it's different than my usual talk but...weird...it's always interesting to look back at your own work, because you have such a different perspective as an outsider looking back than the one inside it all, creating.

P.S.

Kathryn and I have the BEST LUCK when it comes to sold out concerts.

TWO summers in a row now we have found an awesome concert at the last minute that is sold out, told ourselves that won't stop us, gone to the concert, made "We need 2 tickets!!" signs, and each time been reminded of the beautiful amazing people in this world who will make two young girls night and sell them cheap tickets!

SUMMER 2008: The Fratellis
SUMMER 2009: The Flight of the Conchords
SUMMER 2010: ?????????????

WOOOOOO!!!! :^D

MY FUTURE

I think I am getting closer and closer to what I want to do with my life, and take on as a profession. For a while I have known that I take a great interest and passion in Theatre arts and Psychology. Seeing the close relation between the two I saw how one would help with the other. I thought about perhaps acting for a while, and later in life working with therapy BUT I think I have discovered what I would really love to do. My mom found a variety of different books for me the other day at a book sale and one was titled, "A Dance with a Dark Angel" Shadow Play Drama Therapy & creative Arts Techniques by Elizabeth Henderson Eisenman. Her father was a Jungian analyst and growing up as a child with a troubled sense of direction ( in her case dyslexia) and discovering she loved acting, but continually hiding this "shadow" of anger and self criticism she found it was only hurting her to do so and it was self-destructive to put a "mask of happiness" on.

Everything that I have learned and discovered through my years of theatre so far, and learning more about psychology is being presented in this book. There is a misconception that the shadow is all bad, evil, and all black. Yet Jung points out that much of what is contained in the shadow is in the essence "80% pure gold." This is saying use your anger, fears, anxiety, whatever it may be through creative outlets, such as drawing, dancing, writing, acting. One has to experience their shadow on a deep level, kinesthetically. "Dialoguing with the shadow by drawing, moving, writing and dancing, she first recognized it for what it actually was, a Dark Angel filled with power, creativity, and insight."

The emergence of your imagination was a revelation, powerful, rewarding and celebratory by nature. You will feel in someway remarkable witnessing and experiencing the birth of your own creativity.

I have decided that I would LOVE to open my own Drama Therapy Studio creating an appropriate atmosphere, stimuli, and materials, images that can "emerge directly from this vast reservoir into the light of day." Through the process of artistic and creative integration we can experience the true nature and value of our personal unconscious.

I could perhaps, come back to San Francisco, open my studio, work in the studio as my day time job, with rehearsals and shows at night.I would be helping others and experience a very thorough personalization warm up everyday.

If I got to do something like this for the rest of my life I would never have to "work" another day in my life, because I would love what I was doing.

Out There In Space

Lately I feel like I need space.

Not because anyone is doing anything wrong, and not from any person or people in particular, just space for myself.

I don't want to be alone ALL the time or be constantly distancing myself from others, but just going with my first instinct in that moment and thinking about what I need for myself right now.

Maybe I could just call it Soul Searching, I won't know what it is I'm looking for until I find it.

Character of the Day

While sitting at Starbucks doing homework, right on the other side of the window outside was one of those real life 'characters' who make a lot of the characters in theatre legitimate people!

So I have my different hypotheses for why this woman was the way she was, I just happened to be studying for psychology at the time of this peeping Tom moment of mine, hah, so I had psychological disorders on the mind...This woman either had a problem with her Amygdala (motor reflexes), really bad ADD, or when I was driving off I caught a glimpse of a tattoo on her ankle and thought “hmmm she is skinny, and has that grandma looking jaw (when teeth are missing)” so maybe this is all the result of a lot of drug use…
She was dressed nicely in a black dress and heals, had a laptop bag and another bag with notebooks and materials in it. At first she looked like she had OCD symptoms and had to make certain movements or do small tasks a certain number of times, or her laptop was never straight enough in front of her because she kept adjusting it. She would wipe dust on her screen over and over, opening and closing the laptop. She would catch her reflection in the window every now and then and adjust her hair over and over until she gained control to look away again. She would put pens in and out of her bags, take out notebooks open them and put them away again. She was continually reorganizing everything, and would repeat the same action over and over again. She cleared everything off the table and took out a large planner, which was highlighted and had little notes written all over it in little boxes. She had that flicking of the wrist motion with her hand like she was about to write something, but never actually did, except for a few random words. Her arms were constantly moving, and she was adjusting her body constantly…

What's your Fire?

I'm so fortunate that I have grown up where I have, been as lucky, healthy, safe, and educated as I have because in theatre history we were talking about Theatre of the Absurd and the Arabic Theatre we are studying right now, specifically "Strangers don't drink coffee" and we were discussing how it deals with Authoritarian Oppression and AJ (my professor) asks all of us, "Have any of you experienced Authoritarian Oppression? or anything you think could relate to it?" and no one raised their hand or said anything. AJ's reaction was just...wow, you dont know how lucky you are. There are people dying and undergoing this oppression as we speak, please know how lucky and fortunate you are to have grown up here and are here today...

Just makes me think and realize how lucky I am. I should never take it for advantage, but instead honor this luck and do everything I can!

We also talked about Harold Pinter and the "Pinter Pause" which is basically the pasue or dramatic pause that actors/people take when they speak. That uncomfortable silence. Westerner's hate this! Our culture just talks and talks and talks and breaks teh silence to feel more at ease. Whereas MANY other cultures dont do that, they embrace the silence. Many people dont like it and it is used on stage a lot because it brings up a lot of inner thoughts (What are they thinking? Are they mad? Whats going on?) The very aspect of Absurdists theatre, those 100's of unanswered questions! They make you THINK, they leave the audience in wonder, in thought, forces them to use their imagination, think abstractly about the world or the issues and questions presented. Many people get frusterated and dont like this, much in the same way people dont like "awkward" silence. This is why so many people love musicals more than straight plays, they dont bring out these unanswered questions, or have the audience leave the theatre open ended. They provide good music, good feelings, and enjoyable entertainment. I enjoy those but I learn so much more from straight plays, with a more intellectual side, and sense of forced question and imagination.

People should always be curious, should always ask questions and continue to have their mind in action! Why is it that so many people rather just shut off? Expand your view of the world! Ask, and find the answers, or dont and learn out of not knowing. I feel incredibly passionate about all of this and for all the individuals outside of thsi artistic mindset whom tell me " you theatre people are just playing pretend" or that musicals are way better and straight plays are boring are not allowing themselves to be open to the world and learning or discovering.

The more I ask, learn and explore the more passionate I become. My words cant keep up with my thoughts and althrough its overwhelming at times and frusterating when others resist or oppose...this is what I learn and grow from everyday... The fire only burns brighter within me.

What's your fire?

Narcolepsy

I've never known very much about this sleeping disorder, I knew what it was, saw various movies joking about it, but had no idea how horrible it actually is.

In psychology we watched a video interviewing a couple individuals who had the disorder. They didn't know for years and just assumed they weren't getting enough sleep, or were too active wearing themselves out. When actually it was something they didnt control at all.

Did you know that those cataleptic moments when they just fall asleep spontaneously are triggered by ANY emotion, people with narcolepsy have to avoid having any kind of emotion so they do not have to suffer from the danger or embarrassment of these episodes. This means they have to avoid laughing (can't joke with friends or watch a funny movie), they can't love or be loved (usually won't date or get married). They can drive but they are at risk.

Even animals have been diagnosed with Narcolepsy. There was a study done with dogs where just giving them food, made them excited, and they couldn't control their bodies from falling asleep.

Can you imagine a life avoiding any emotions? Life is based and valued out of our laughter, love, tears, pain, and joy. A life absent of all those elements is barely considered 'living' at all.

Why YOU?

The word passion, of course, can mean intense love or intense suffering or both. The two go hand in hand in language as well as life.

YOU fill me with passion.

Express Yourself

One of the biggest reasons I love art is because people can create anything, whether it is a painting, sculpture, theatre, or a piece of music and every person will interpret it differently. I love that when an artist is creating they will have an idea, a purpose, or some sort of motivation that moved them to create this work of art, and when they share what they have done with others every viewer will take away something different. A painting could have been created with the thought of heartbreak, but an onlooker could see it and think of war or the clash of cultures.

Art will never die, it is alive, breathing among us every day. Art is personal, and no ONE piece will ever be duplicated the exact same way, in the same way that no ONE person is exactly like another. There are too many people in our world who want to be like someone else, well guess what, you never will be! Because you are you and no one will ever be like YOU, you are special you are unique. Art is an escape, it is expression, it is unique, it is beautiful. Art teaches us about the world, about people, about love and life. It expands our minds, and teaches us to think abstractly. It is everywhere, it is in all of us.

Express yourself.

-Dana

Don't stop believin'

I was motivated to start this blog when I laid down to take a nap just now and my kitten Monkey laid down next to me and gave me a hug.

I think it's wonderful that animals give hugs too.

Some people don't believe that animals brains are as developed as human brains, and yeah that might be scientifically true, but...I think it's much more enjoyable to live life believing in the same way we did when we were young and full of imagination. I believe animals have best friends, love one another, dance, sing songs about the Bare Necessities, and give hugs.

Thanks Monkey, for reminding me of how much love is in the world.

Keep on Lovin.

-Dana